Asphyxiated Memories
by August Mayhem
Summary: "What did she mean by 'penance?"  Ha Ni saved Eun Jo in the water, but drowned herself.  Seung Jo wants to understand the confusing girl that follows him around.  From the episode where they go to the beach.


"Come and get me Oh Ha Ni! You stpuid girl!"

"Baek Eun Jo! Get back here! I'm gonna get you!"

The little snot ran into the water and she froze at the meeting of land and ocean. Knowing she couldn't follow him in, she yelled at him to come back out. She knew it would be futile, but pride wouldn't allow her to just ignore his insults.

Eun Jo walked further into the water, still facing her, a grin on his face as he mocked her. She really was so stupid. How long was she going to live with them? She wasn't good enough for his hyung. No one was. Seung Jo-hyung was perfect.

His next step backwards made him flounder, the shore had cut off suddenly and the water was too high for him. He struggled against the tide to get back to where he could touch the ground again. But he had never taken swim lessons and he was learning first hand that flailing one's arms was more hinder than help.

"Help me!" He cried out, not caring if the girl was stupid so long as she helped get him back on land.

The water kept dragging him back and he kept going under, the water blurring his vision and choking his throat. He could see a blurry pink shape standing on the beach. What was wrong with her! Couldn't she see he needed help?

**.x.**

Ha Ni thought the brat was joking at first, some trick to get her to help him and then mock her for it later. He was the type to do that. But then…Maybe he wasn't? She didn't know if Eun Jo could swim or not, but it was starting to look like he couldn't.

Turning to face the group of umbrellas where everyone else was, she began to frantically wave her arms, Eun Jo was in trouble! She couldn't go in and save him, she couldn't swim!

But no one noticed anything wrong. Probably thought they were just playing. Glancing worriedly at the boy thrashing about in the water, Ha Ni had to force herself to the water's edge. For a minute she couldn't go any further than that. Then clenching her eyes shut, she waded out into the water.

He was fairly far out and for sure the water would be over her head. Damn! She awkwardly moved her limbs in some semblance of the strokes she had seen other people use countless times before. Half-drowned just trying to get to the brat, she hoped it would be enough. Upon reaching Eun Jo she tried to grab him and bring him in, but a wave washed over her head and she panicked.

They both went under and were quickly losing air. She struggled to the surface and grabbed the boy's collar.

"Take a deep breath, I'm going to try and throw you." The words were muddled because of the water flowing into her mouth and choking her, but by the kid's wide eyes he seemed to get the jist of it.

Pushing herself up out of the water as much as she could, she grabbed him under his arms and half threw, half pushed him several feet ahead of her, closer to land.

**.x.**

"Take a deep breath, I'm going to try and throw you."

He turned to look at her. Wait, what? Was she crazy as well as stupid? She was about as strong as a reed! And she was struggling same as he was, how could she throw him? But he spat out the water in his mouth and took a deep breath.

She managed to raise him half out of the water with her throw and was pushed forward several feet. He swung his arms around to get closer until he could reach the sand.

Eun Jo didn't think he'd ever been so relieved upon feeling sandy grains rub against the skin of his feet. He crawled on his hands and knees, feeling the water pulling at his clothes, wanting to reclaim him, but he continued until he was a short, but respectable distance from the water.

Collapsing on his back, he breathed deeply, staring at the blue afternoon sky. He knew he had come close to death. Perhaps it would be the smart thing to get swim lessons so this never happened again, but right now…He shivered. He wanted nothing to do with any body of water that was bigger than his bathtub!

A few minutes passed and the stupid girl hadn't come in yet. Eun Jo raised his head and stared at the water, undisturbed but for a few waves. Where was she? Had she come in while he was resting?

A hand shot out of the water and slapped down hard, no head to be seen anywhere.

He stared for a moment before climbing to his feet and running weakly to the umbrella where his family was.

"Hyung! Hyung! The stupid girl is in trouble! Hyung, help!"

**.x.**

Ha Ni saw where he landed and was confident the upstart brat could make it the rest of the way on his own. She smiled with relief until her head submerged again. Being underwater was impossibly disorientating, no way to know which direction was up, waves pushing one way, the undertow pulling her the opposite.

Exhausted limbs tried to pull her in a direction that would hopefully mean she got air. Finally her head breached the surface and she gulped air quickly before falling back under.

With Eun Jo no longer in danger of drowning, her thoughts were free to wander to whatever they chose, and the current environment meant they chose the death of her mother.

And the death of her mother also meant old memories of being stranded in the water and unable to breathe. Unease rose in her chest and she gasped, hoping the air would help calm her down. But there was no air available to humans underwater and she ended up choking on the salty ocean.

Blindly panicking now, Ha Ni battled against the water holding her in its wet claws. One hand briefly managed to get out of the water, and she slapped it down hoping it would help pull her up a bit.

Something tugged on her leg. She couldn't reach the surface! Something was holding her down there! Air bubbled past her lips as she felt down her leg trying to figure out what was keeping her underwater.

Fingers touched slippery kelp wrapped around her leg. It was tangled about itself and Ha Ni couldn't free herself. Numb hands scrabbled for purchase against the wet weed and a few strands came loose. Pulling herself up, she hoped it would be enough to slip free. She was desperate for air and memories of drowning as a child were not helping.

Her vision blackened and whatever breath remained decided to leave her. Water rushed into her mouth and lungs and she choked on the water, only managing to inhale more.

Ironic that she had always dressed the way she had as a child in an effort to remain close to her mother and now she was going to die like her, saving a drowning child and dying because of it.

Maybe it was divine retribution. She had killed a beautiful, smart woman her father had loved with all his heart and all he got in return was an ugly girl who couldn't do anything and would never take over his noodle shop because she was a terrible cook.

Or maybe she had stolen her life from her mother, and now that life had run out. Hopefully she could see her mother just once before she was condemned to Purgatory, her mother beautiful and at peace in Elysium.

**.x.**

"What are those children doing? I called them in for watermelon! Well at least those two are getting on now. They look like they're having fun!"

"That's because they're the same age!" Joo Ri and Min Ah laughed over their joke about their friend.

"Kids will be kids." Oh Gi Dong chuckled with them. His daughter was very childish at times, but he loved seeing her happy and playful.

Ignoring the two enjoying the water, everyone else turned to enjoy the watermelon Seung Jo's mother had prepared.

Several minutes later Seung Jo glanced back over to where the idiot and his dongseng had been last. Ha Ni half pushed Eun Jo into the air and he went forward a bit. So they were just playing games then. Tch. Childish. Still…he couldn't shake the unease rising in his chest.

He took another bite of watermelon, the cool juice trickling down his throat. Ah well, if something bad happened he'd know about it. Why borrow worry?

Everyone joked around and Jang Mi constantly tried to get his attention. She was almost more annoying than Oh Ha Ni. Almost. But at least Jang Mi was smart.

"…help! Hyung!"

Eun Jo crested the sand, running towards them, crying for help.

"What's wrong Eun Jo?" His mom probably thought he had hurt himself, but Seung Jo could see no visible injuries.

"That stupid girl, she's in the water!"

"We're at a beach kid, people are supposed to go in the water. We were in there ourselves not too long ago!"

Joo Ri was irritated with the little brat, he was just as arrogant as his older brother. But the little boy shook his head, gasping as he bent over his knees trying to reclaim his breath.

"No, no! She's stuck in the water, she can't get out!"

"How exactly does one get stuck in the water? Only seriously stupid people could accomplish that!" Jang Mi snorted with derision and was taken aback when the young boy glared at her. He's had no problem with her earlier, what was the glare for?

"Oh no! Ha Ni! Ha Ni!" Oh Gi Dong struggle to move, trapped beneath the sand that had been piled and modeled on top of him.

"Help her! Someone help her! Ha Ni can't swim!"

Everyone froze at those words and Seung Jo jumped to his feet, racing across the sand. Except for the two dads, still trying to get out of the sand, the group followed him.

There was no sign of anyone struggling in the water as he raced into the ocean. Where was she? He reached a decent depth and dove under, opening his eyes trying to see her.

The water was murky and the salt stung his eyes, but despite his guess work at where Eun Jo and she had been, it took him a relatively short time to find her. Grabbing a limp arm that floated weakly in the water, Seung Jo pulled her to the surface only to have her yanked out of his grip.

He pulled her arm once more, and again she was jerked back down. Surfacing for a quick breath, he could hear desperate calls from the shore. Diving back down he felt for Ha Ni's arms and legs, trying to find what was holding her down.

He was terrified of the way she was floating laxly in the water, like she was already dead. They had no way of knowing how long she had been without air and every second was counting.

Fingers ripped at the slippery plant that had wrapped itself around her ankle and it was mostly free by the time he needed a second gulp of air. Going under for a third and hopefully final times, Seung Jo tore the offending weed off the girl's foot and dragged her to the surface.

Wrapping an arm around her neck and tilting her chin so her head was clear of the water, he swam back to the shore. Laying her on the sand, he put an ear to her mouth, hoping to hear some faint breathing. Nothing.

Switching his ear to her chest, he gently rocked her body. Water sloshed around, it was as he feared, she had swallowed a fair bit of water.

Her father ran up, covered in sand as he began pumping her chest and breathing into her mouth. Oh Gi Dong collapsed next to his daughter, wet curls limp on the sand, pale skin clammy and reminding him painfully of his late wife. It was like he was reliving it all over again. Only this time, he wouldn't have anyone left if she died.

Joo Ri and Min Ah held each other, trembling in fear and worry for their friend's life, desperately praying that she wasn't dead and would be okay.

Tension covered the area and it seemed like time stood still, the entire group watching as Seung Jo almost frantically performed CPR on the still form.

It snapped like cut plastic when Ha Ni jerked and began to cough up water. There was a collective sigh of relief, most prominently from Oh Gi Dong as he began to wail about his daughter almost dying.

Still, the amount of water that was being coughed up was worrying and Ha Ni wasn't saying anything. In fact she was only just breathing.

"She needs to get to a hospital, she's inhaled too much water."

Three cell phones were immediately out and dialing the emergency number. They all fearfully guarded over the pale girl, making sure she kept breathing while they waited for the ambulance to come.

When it finally did, her father went with her and the rest of the group headed back to camp to pack up before making their way to the hospital.

The next few hours passed in tense silence as they waited for some news of Ha Ni's condition. The boys' father took Hong Jang Mi back to her house and then returned with take out, but none of them felt like eating. Eun Jo was force fed by his mother though, since she was worried about his near drowning escapade earlier.

Every time a doctor came out, they would all stand ready to go see the poor girl, but it was never for them. Three hours after arriving a doctor came for them.

"She inhaled far too much water and was without air for a longer period of time than I would have liked, and she also contracted hypothermia. In future situations like this, it is recommended that the drowning victim is given air every five seconds on the way back to shore, though compresses can wait until a sturdy surface is found. Also, you should have changed her clothes, or wrapped her in a blanket of some kind to keep her warm.

"But, her condition is stable now and the water has been pumped from her lungs. She didn't wake during the procedure and could have a mild coma, but we'll know more if she wakes in the next 24 hours."

He looked at the anxious faces before him and sighed. "You may see her now, but two at a time only please. I don't want her condition exacerbated."

Oh Gi Dong went first obviously and spent a few minutes weeping, holding his daughter's slack hand to his face. He prayed to his wife, begging that she wouldn't take their daughter with her and that the young woman would wake soon.

Eventually he left, though it was hard for him to do so, and Joo Ri and Min Ah took his place. They sat in uneasy silence, thinking over their friendship with the small girl lying in the suddenly too big bed and how she was determined to finish everything she set her mind to.

They were replaced by the Baek parents, the father holding his wife as she cried into his shoulder, both of them worried about the young girl.

The last to come in were Seung Jo and Eun Jo. The oldest stood in a corner, staring dispassionately at the still form on the bed, but inwardly worried about her. He was surprised when Eun Jo stood beside the bed and took hold of her non-IV hand.

"Thank you Ha Ni-noona for saving me. I'm sorry I called you stupid."

It was the most remorse he had ever seen from his younger brother. The young boy bowed to the unconscious girl and left. He stared at the departing figure before turning to glance at the hospital bed again.

"Oh Ha Ni…You do love to make trouble don't you?" He walked over to stand by the bed. "You'd better wake up soon you idiot. Everyone is worried. Especially your father."

He walked out of the room, thinking back to when he had performed CPR on her at the beach. Her first breath of air, after coughing up water, she had breathed the word penance. What did she mean by that? What could she possibly need penance for?

Her father went back in to the room while he was sent out to get more take out, the stuff his father had gotten long since cooled and congealed. A half hour later he returned and the group eagerly ate, having had nothing since the watermelon in the afternoon and only breakfast before that. It was now almost eight at night.

He brought a plate to Oh Gi Dong and placed it on the table in the room. He paused before looking at the noodle shop owner.

"She said penance earlier," the man gave no indication of hearing him, "She said it after her first breath. Why can't she swim? It's a compulsory subject in most schools' gym course."

Silence reigned for a few minutes and Seung Jo was contemplating leaving when the older man sighed heavily and bowed his head, his voice heavy and completely different from the usual happy-go-lucky tones. It was unnerving.

"I had hoped…When Ha Ni-ah was four years old, her mother, my wife, and I took her to a near-by beach. Ha Ni-ah played out in the sun too long and got sunburned on her arms and face, so my wife decided to walk the 2 miles to a convenience store."

His lips pursed in thought and regret lined his face deeply. It was hard for him to go on and Seung Jo almost thought the story would end there.

"I watched over our darling little girl and eventually fell asleep with her in my arms. At some point she must have woken up and wandered into the water. The undertow pulled her out too far and since it was a desolate and rocky beach, more a cove than anything, and very few people ever went there, let alone a lifeguard.

"My wife returned just as I ran into the water. She passed me as soon as she saw Ha Ni struggling in the deep water. I had never learned to swim, something I still regret to this day, but she managed to save our baby girl. Unfortunately, while doing so she cut her arm on a sharp rock that was near the surface. We didn't know that a shark had been in the area and was attracted to the spilt blood."

Seung Jo felt horror swell in his chest as the man focused on his daughter's sleeping face.

"She had made it to shallow water where my wife could walk instead of swim when the shark attacked. It was Ha Ni who saw it first. She screamed and her mother turned around. The shark hit her head on and bit into her shoulder. Ha Ni was partially in the way and the teeth raked over her back, that's why she wears one piece swim suits and never takes her shirt off at the beach."

His eyes closed in remembrance of painful memories.

"My wife's arm was wrapped around Ha Ni as the shark dragged her deeper into the water. Desperate to save our daughter, she tossed her best as she could towards the beach. That was the last time I saw my wife, her grave is just an empty casket. Ha Ni, in pain from the wounds on her back and still partly drowned, began to drown again. By some miracle, the waves pushed her back to the shore enough that I was able to grab her and drive her to a hospital.

"She avoided water for the next three years. Wouldn't even take a bath. She would wet a washcloth and bathe that way. She didn't speak for a few months either. What she said of penance, I can only imagine that she still blames herself for her mother's death.

Maybe she thought that dying to save a kid from drowning was penance for her mother. I don't know."

Seung Jo was shocked at the revelation, but didn't let it show and left the room.

**.x.**

It was a week before she woke up, and the entire school knew what had happened thanks to Bong Joon Gu (demanding answers from Joo Ri and Min Ah) and Hang Jang Mi.

It was Wednesday when she returned to class. Seung Jo hadn't seen her since that first day at the hospital. He watched her during lunch. People, mostly those in her class and some other girls who were trying to get tidbits on what it was like getting kissed by him (CPR), continually pestered her for details and asking her how she was.

Even from a distance he could see how uncomfortable she was with everyone's attention on her. Finally the bell rang, and the Class-7 girl fairly ran off with her two friends. He scoffed and turned away.

**.x.**

After school he walked home, Ha Ni somewhere else, she should know the way by know in any case. After greeting his mother, he went upstairs to his room. Dumping his bag by the desk he flopped on the couch and picked up a magazine. He read until dinner when both brothers were called down.

Oh Ha Ni and her father weren't there. No one asked why but the two boys wanted to know the reason. None was offered. Little talk passed between the family and everyone found themselves missing the two person family that had moved in with them.

Later that night, after everyone else was asleep, Seung Jo heard the front door open. Soft voices wafted up the stairwell alongside soft footfalls. Moving to the window he could hear her quietly bustling around the room before clambering onto the window ledge. Curious about what she was doing, he leaned further out his own window.

Dressed in sweats and a somewhat fitted tee, Ha Ni stood on the ledge, facing the house. Arms grabbing onto the edge of the roof, she braced herself and then jumped up. Bent elbows allowed her to hold herself up while she took a moment to swing a leg onto the shingles before rolling up onto the roof.

Seung Jo stared at the empty space where she had been before deciding it was none of his business. If she fell, it was her own fault.

**.x.**

Saturday morning he woke up late and found a small blue box just outside his door. Grabbing it on his way down for breakfast, he pulled the lid off. Inside were small round chocolates and a small note with neat printing.

_ Thank you for saving my life. My apologies for constantly causing trouble for you._

_ Oh Ha Ni._

He snorted. Constantly causing trouble indeed. He popped a chocolate in his mouth while getting juice from the fridge. It melted wonderfully on his tongue.

**.x.**

That night Seung Jo heard noise coming from the girl's room. The sounds of her scrabbling up to the roof came again. This time he followed her up. It was harder than she made it look. That thought made him wonder how many times she had done it.

She was sitting near the top, arms wrapped around her knees, wavy hair falling down her back as she look up at the clear night sky.

"What are you doing up here?"

He looked at her, "I could ask you the same question."

She still hadn't looked at him. "I like to be in high places sometimes. Just to think."

He could totally make a crack at the correlation between her diminutive intelligence and low areas, but for some reason held back. He made no move to go near her, instead just standing on the peak of the roof, arms crossed.

Surprisingly, she said no more, gaze still focused on the stars. It was very unlike her. She normally did anything she could to be near him and talk to him.

"What did you mean by penance?" Shit, that wasn't what he wanted to say!

Her body tensed, obvious even in the limited light. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Don't lie. You whispered 'penance' after you coughed up water. What did you mean?" He took a step forward.

"You must have been imagining things sunbae. I really don't know what you're talking about."

She had never been so distantly respectful of him, it had always been obsessive fawning. He walked over and grabbed her shoulder. She jerked away from his hold, but continued to stare at the sky. So he grabbed her chin instead and forced her to face him.

"I know what happened. Your father told me."

Her eyes closed and she gave no response to even hearing his words. Seung Jo grew frustrated with her lack of response and shook her hard.

"How is dying when your mother died to save you penance? Answer that huh, how is that penance?"

Big brown eyes looked into his own dark ones and he flinched back at the sadness emanating from within. Desperately wanting to look away, something held him in place. Hidden under the wealth of sadness was a deep-rooted self-loathing for killing her mother.

It shook Seung Jo to the core seeing those emotions in the female student who was always so happy and carefree. Impossibly unnerving to know that behind that cheerful exterior and warm eyes lurked something so dark. He stumbled back and almost toppled over, but catching himself, dark eyes still warily focused on the girl in front him, made his way back to the side and climbed down.

Ha Ni returned her gaze to the stars.

**.x.**

AN: So yeah...Wondered what would have happened had she gotten Eun Jo out but couldn't help herself. Anywho, thoughts are appreciated!

August


End file.
